To Care for my Heart
by MasterQwertster
Summary: All of Edward and Alphonse make One person, and that One person is All of Edward and Alphonse. They are inseparable brothers, but sometimes they wish it were just a little more so because it's so very important to care for your heart. Pure brotherly love, not that other stuff.


Some days I wish it were switched.

I wish I was the one in the armor and you were the one with the flesh and blood body. I bet I could have pulled it off if I had been thinking a bit more clearly. Paid most of my body to get back yours and the rest to attach my soul to the armor.

It would be more fitting that I be deprived of the warmth of others than having me impose it on someone else, on you. I never was much for hugs or holding hands, that was always you. You were the one always reaching for my hand, hardly ever the other way around. I barely know what you're going through feels like. One arm, one leg, what is that compared to the whole body? Nothing, and I still can't fix it yet.

You know you were such a cry baby before, but you'd always cheer up as soon as you were done. Me, I almost never cried, so it wouldn't bother me nearly as bad as it does you. Heh, I bet you'd insist on crying my share like Winry insists on crying for us now if we were switched. I should probably try crying for you every now and then, but it just feels so wrong for me to do what you can't anymore because of my stupid idea. But I'll fix it one day.

I might miss eating, but I could live with it. I'd just enjoy watching you eat. It'd probably be better that way. After all, one of us has to provide the nutrition and considering how I hate milk, it probably would have gone better if it was you. It'd probably be better if you were sleeping for us too. I spend too many nights caught up in research, but you always remember to quit in time for meals and bed.

There's so much I've denied you by my foolish mistake.

Maybe I should have bonded your soul to my body.

If I had tried that, Truth probably would have taken my heart like I offered, but the bastard wouldn't have realized that I'd be sticking my real heart in my chest with that transmutation. Yeah, it's cheesy sounding, but you're my heart. Everything good about me comes from you and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I really should have bonded your soul to my body. We could share. I know we could, it'd be as easy as breathing. Well, maybe not _that_ easy, but we'd manage. Whenever I didn't want to drink milk you could take over and enjoy the taste. When you wanted to pick up a stray cat you'd be able to feel how soft it was, even if I didn't let you keep it. When we need to be polite you could take control, express our gratitude to the fullest because you were always better at expressing the soft emotions. When we need determination and bravado, I'd carry us through. We could do it, I know we could. After all, everyone says that we're like two halves of one whole, two sides of the same coin, two peas in a pod and all that other stuff.

If I'd transmuted your soul into my body you'd still be able to touch and smell and taste the world. Well, touch most of the world since we'd still be stuck with a lost arm and leg, but I think that'd hardly matter to us because we'd have each other.

But I didn't, so you're a suit of armor, but maybe it's not all bad. As long as the blood seal stays untouched, you, my most precious heart, are safe from all physical pain and wounds. You'll never have to know what it feels like to be stabbed, to have your bones broken, to have your nerves set on fire. You don't have to experience blood loss and fever, sickness and nausea. You're safe from all that, small blessing that it is.

I just regret that I can't protect you from the emotional pain too. It doesn't help that I'm the one to cause it most days. But you, my little brother, my wonderful big heart, are so strong and kind that you forgive every bruise, scratch, and fracture, always soothing me back into one whole piece.

* * *

Some days I wish I could take the world off your shoulders.

I wish I was the one responsible for holding our world together instead of you. I could handle it. You gave me such big shoulders that I'm sure I could handle it, give you break and let you have some peace. I'd be strong for you and make sure you don't drown in terror and loneliness.

It would be more fitting that I take responsibility for us. After all, I'm the calm and mature one in our everyday life. I could handle holding the responsibility on those days, I think I could hold it on the hard days too. Most would say that you've done the right thing by taking charge because you're the older brother, but we're barely a year apart. What's a paltry year, especially for us when we're so much smarter, yet I can't quite say wiser, than our years? Nothing, and yet I still can't ease your burden completely.

Sometimes you let me have the responsibility, you let me shoulder the weight, but you only let me carry it for a few hours, maybe a day, and that's not long for you to rest. And even when you do let me carry it, it's only because you've practically been squashed by it, because if you hold it for a second more it just might break you, and you can't let it break you because you still feel the need to look after me. It's only on those defenseless nights that you let me hold the weight off your small shoulders and put it on mine that will not tire nor need rest.

There's so much peace I can't give you.

Maybe I should protect you from the world.

I would just scoop you up and place you in this hollow chest of mine, latch it shut and keep the world out. You could be my living heart, beating away inside my chest. You'd probably brush it off as me being mushy while secretly treasuring my words, but you are my heart. All of my strength comes from you and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I really should just stuff you inside of me and never let you out. We could share this hollow body of mine. I know we could, it'd be easy as pie. Well, maybe not _that_ easy, but we'd manage. We might argue sometimes, but we'd get over it like we always do. When we got into fights you'd be safe because I would be the one fighting and I've never really lost to you. You wouldn't get teased for being short because they'd see my large body. You'd never tire yourself out running around because I'd do all the running and I don't get tired. We could do it, I know we could. People like to say that if we were any closer we'd be one person, that we're one soul in two bodies and things like that.

If I stuck you in there I could protect you from the outside world. That's what armor's for, isn't it? To protect the person inside of it from the outside world? I could do that, I know I could. We could cushion the cavity in my chest so you were comfortable, add blankets to keep you warm and ice to cool you off. Whenever you got hungry I could lift my helmet and slip the food down to you, pretend I'm the one eating it, drinks too. When you breathe I could listen to it bounce around inside my hollow body and pretend that the echoes are my breath perfectly synchronized with yours.

If I stuck you in my chest you'd be safe from the world. Well, most of the world since we'd still come across emotional pain in the world, but I'm sure we could handle it because we'd have each other.

But I haven't, so you still have to suffer getting hurt, but maybe it's not all bad. As long as you don't let the world keep you down, get back up like I know you always will, even if it's hard and takes a while, you'll get stronger. As each wound heals you'll learn how to prevent it from happening again, learn how to handle the pain. You'll let me shoulder some of the burden next time, let me protect you more. You'll be a bit safer, small blessing that it is.

I just regret that you have to shoulder that burden yourself. It doesn't help that I place the most burden on your shoulders. But you, my big brother, my precious little heart, are so durable and strong that you take every weight, chain, and beating, always coming back to care for me.

* * *

_ You are my other half, my heart. How could I ever stop loving you_?

* * *

**Author's Note**

My FMA binge runs rampant. The brotherly love dynamic is just too great to ignore, so I wrote this. it kind of just came to from thinking about how they are two halves to one whole and how you could just stuff Edward inside Alphonse. Then I thought about the reverse of Alphonse in Edward and this came out so beautiful and heart-warming. At least I think it is.

**Please comment/review to tell me how I did.**


End file.
